Dear Fellow Mom, Stop Apologizing
Why? Because you’re doing your best. You’re tired. You’re trying. You’re giving every ounce of energy to your little one. And I get it. We all do.
Don’t you know that I too have a stack of dirty dishes in the sink? Don’t apologize for that. When I see those dishes, I see a family who is lucky to put food on the table, a family who eats together, who is dedicated to nourishing growing bodies.
That pile of clean laundry that needs folding? You’re sorry it’s sitting there? Please, it shows that you’re spending your days playing and feeding and holding your love bug.
Let’s see, what else do us moms apologize for? Floors that aren’t swept, barking dogs, fussy baby, feeling emotional, messy car, messy hair, messy clothes. The list goes on but we need to stop. All of us. We need to stop apologizing for all the ways we aren’t perfect.
Why do we even utter the words? Out of embarrassment? Of fear that our friends might think we LIKE living this way? Come on now; think of all the times we apologize for something that isn’t quite right. Now think of what we could be saying instead. ‘How are you?’, ‘Thanks for your friendship.’, ‘You look great today.’, ‘Your baby is beautiful.’ ,‘I appreciate you.’, Too much “I’m” and not enough “you.”
The pressure is there. It’s real. To have a spotless house, a perfectly calm baby, a neatly made bed with fluffed throw pillows, a ladies-tea-style lunch to offer but we waste so much time finding and highlighting our own faults. We voice them as if we need someone to fix us, as if we’re broken. Craziness! We are the opposite of broken. Us moms – we’re like a go-go gadget contraption that can do ten things at once while thinking about ten other things. We are taking care of humans for goodness sake! Humans!
There’s a lot of emphasis on eliminating mom-judging and mom-shaming but maybe it’s just a vicious cycle. Maybe we’re spending our precious time judging ourselves and in turn, making it okay to pass judgment on anyone. ‘She admitted that her yard needs work; she won’t care if I say it, too.’
The solution? Accept the chaos of life in this season and go with it. Own it but don’t feel bad about it. And for heaven’s sake, don’t feel pressured to apologize for being busy and living life. Stop saying ‘I’m sorry that….’ and start saying ‘you.’ Shift the focus to your friends, your partner, your neighbor, yourself. Quit apologizing for all the ways you think you’ve fallen short and start telling your friends – and yourself – that YOU are an amazing mom because you are. We all are.
This post was inspired by a beautiful mom, friend and yoga teacher who came over for lunch one day – thank you for telling me to stop saying ‘I’m sorry.’